![]() "That is why religious trauma is a real thing, and why so many of us have spent thousands of dollars in therapy as adults." "When that's your starting point in life - that you believe that you're a wretch, that you're sinful, that God can't love you - that does not set you off on very good footing," she says. Grant says that through her podcast conversations with musicians engaged in deconstruction, she began to see how Christian faith was "so much bigger" than the evangelical world in which she grew up. ![]() To reconcile with her sexuality, Grant temporarily left the Christian faith in 2017 and started a podcast called "Heathen." She describes it as an early precursor to the faith deconstruction movement, where a person critically analyzes, rethinks and often shuns beliefs held by their religious faith, sometimes leaving their religion altogether. My sexuality is not changing.’” Leaving religion, then finding it again And after all of those experiences, I finally got to a point where I was like, ‘You know what? I’ve done everything I can do. “That’s how deep my my internalized homophobia went. “I wanted to fit in that badly,” Grant says. (The organization is no longer in operation.) It was there that she got involved in Exodus International, a gay conversion organization where she enrolled herself in conversion therapy for five years. "And that was to be a boy and grow into a man and not rock the boat too much."Īfter college, Grant moved to San Diego as part of a church planting team, a group that would start new churches. "I just learned really fast that if I was going to thrive in that community, I had to perform and exist in the world in a very specific way," she adds. ![]()
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